Well...this isn't how I planned things to work out.
But do things ever go as I planned?
No, and after 23 (almost 24) years, I still haven't learned that lesson well enough. It is good for these things to happen to me so I can humble myself, and realize that even my best efforts and planning can't dominate the plans that Heavenly Father has in store for me.
Last night, something went wrong. I don't know how wrong yet. I really don't like sharing details that might make someone feel uncomfortable, but lets say there was some abnormal bleeding. Bleeding at this stage in the pregnancy is never ever normal. I'm only a little over 30 weeks pregnant and was found to already be a little dilated. You see, this is no bueno. In the hospital I got a steroid shot to--in lay man's terms--mature the baby's lungs so that he will have a better chance of survival outside the womb should he be born prematurely. I was sent home last night on strict bed rest, reassured I would be much more comfortable on bed rest at home than in the hospital. TRUE THAT!
I was supposed to work last night, but instead got to spend a little bit more time with my family from Nevada, who left for home today. Also, I got to watch all of conference which I thought I would be missing out on.
I am going in again to the hospital tonight to get another shot for the baby. Hopefully his heart still looks as good as it did last night! It's very uncertain at this point whether or not I will be on bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy. I will have an ultrasound Monday to hopefully figure out what is going on. Until then, I will remain very vague so I don't make anyone freak out unnecessarily!
Ok, so some thoughts on this WHOLE ordeal so far goes as follows:
Anyone who knows me knows how I like to be as independent as possible, and self reliant. And being honest, up until 24 hours ago, I was feeling very much in control of my life. I love paying attention to detail, because this provides the best outcome overall for me and my family.
For example, as a senior in high school, I was just starting to feel I was at the top of my game and pretty confident that nothing could go wrong. I was working, paying a lot of my own bills, had a car, and was President on our all-important drill team. To make the story short, I broke my foot and nearly lost the ability to compete at the drill competitions as a senior, which I had spent my entire 'dancing career' working for.
The fact of the matter was, I lost control. Things happen like that sometimes. And when things happen that are out of your control, you can only choose how you react to them. Also, like I said, Heavenly Father lets these things happen to humble us, get us to refocus our priorities, and open our eyes to things that are really important,
That's what happened when I broke my foot. My eyes were opened to things that really mattered. You see, drill team ends with high school. But temple preparation, for instance, is something that would benefit me for the rest of my life.
After I broke my foot, I didn't have nearly as much drill team practice because I was on crutches, and I had to just lounge around at home. I'm convinced if this hadn't happened, I would not have spent as much time dating Nate after I officially met him, which was right before I broke my foot. Who knows if I would have ended up marrying him??? But around November, I agreed to marry him, and I began preparing more intently to attend the temple. I would not have taken that time out if I hadn't been able to slow down and make that essential preparation.
SOOOOOO.....perhaps, if I DO end up on permanent bed rest, the same thing will happen. Already I have seen how this will improve the relationship with my girls! This morning, the only thing in the world I was ABLE to do for myself was to lay down on the living room floor and color sesame street pictures with the girls. I loved EVERY minute of it. I've also ALREADY seen how many people really do care for me and my family! So many have already shown up with food and sent prayers my way, and offered to help with housework and watching the girls, and like I said, it's only been 24 hours.
Look for an update. Just rest assured that for now I am completely at peace that everything will work out, even though right now I'm not sure how. And also, the baby seems to be doing fine, which is the most important thing.
Thanks again to everyone for all the love and support!