Saturday, April 3, 2010

Pregnancy Blues...a little rambling

Well...this isn't how I planned things to work out.

But do things ever go as I planned?

No, and after 23 (almost 24) years, I still haven't learned that lesson well enough. It is good for these things to happen to me so I can humble myself, and realize that even my best efforts and planning can't dominate the plans that Heavenly Father has in store for me.

Last night, something went wrong. I don't know how wrong yet. I really don't like sharing details that might make someone feel uncomfortable, but lets say there was some abnormal bleeding. Bleeding at this stage in the pregnancy is never ever normal. I'm only a little over 30 weeks pregnant and was found to already be a little dilated. You see, this is no bueno. In the hospital I got a steroid shot to--in lay man's terms--mature the baby's lungs so that he will have a better chance of survival outside the womb should he be born prematurely. I was sent home last night on strict bed rest, reassured I would be much more comfortable on bed rest at home than in the hospital. TRUE THAT!

I was supposed to work last night, but instead got to spend a little bit more time with my family from Nevada, who left for home today. Also, I got to watch all of conference which I thought I would be missing out on.

I am going in again to the hospital tonight to get another shot for the baby. Hopefully his heart still looks as good as it did last night! It's very uncertain at this point whether or not I will be on bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy. I will have an ultrasound Monday to hopefully figure out what is going on. Until then, I will remain very vague so I don't make anyone freak out unnecessarily!

Ok, so some thoughts on this WHOLE ordeal so far goes as follows:

Anyone who knows me knows how I like to be as independent as possible, and self reliant. And being honest, up until 24 hours ago, I was feeling very much in control of my life. I love paying attention to detail, because this provides the best outcome overall for me and my family.

For example, as a senior in high school, I was just starting to feel I was at the top of my game and pretty confident that nothing could go wrong. I was working, paying a lot of my own bills, had a car, and was President on our all-important drill team. To make the story short, I broke my foot and nearly lost the ability to compete at the drill competitions as a senior, which I had spent my entire 'dancing career' working for.

The fact of the matter was, I lost control. Things happen like that sometimes. And when things happen that are out of your control, you can only choose how you react to them. Also, like I said, Heavenly Father lets these things happen to humble us, get us to refocus our priorities, and open our eyes to things that are really important,

That's what happened when I broke my foot. My eyes were opened to things that really mattered. You see, drill team ends with high school. But temple preparation, for instance, is something that would benefit me for the rest of my life.

After I broke my foot, I didn't have nearly as much drill team practice because I was on crutches, and I had to just lounge around at home. I'm convinced if this hadn't happened, I would not have spent as much time dating Nate after I officially met him, which was right before I broke my foot. Who knows if I would have ended up marrying him??? But around November, I agreed to marry him, and I began preparing more intently to attend the temple. I would not have taken that time out if I hadn't been able to slow down and make that essential preparation.

SOOOOOO.....perhaps, if I DO end up on permanent bed rest, the same thing will happen. Already I have seen how this will improve the relationship with my girls! This morning, the only thing in the world I was ABLE to do for myself was to lay down on the living room floor and color sesame street pictures with the girls. I loved EVERY minute of it. I've also ALREADY seen how many people really do care for me and my family! So many have already shown up with food and sent prayers my way, and offered to help with housework and watching the girls, and like I said, it's only been 24 hours.

Look for an update. Just rest assured that for now I am completely at peace that everything will work out, even though right now I'm not sure how. And also, the baby seems to be doing fine, which is the most important thing.

Thanks again to everyone for all the love and support!


Jennifer said...

You and your family will be in our prayers. Take care! I'm glad you are staying positive, very refreshing!

Amy said...

How scary! I hope everything turns out ok. You are such a storng person and I look up to you in so many ways! Way to stay positive and take a scary situation and find every possible postive thing to think about instead! We will be thinking of you guys!

Tigersue said...

Praying for you Sarah. I think you can have some comfort from you sweet mother. I'm sure she has some great insights for you in how to deal with this.

I agree that sometimes things happen to give us more focus on the things that are important. Trials have a way to do that. They are blip in the long term but in the short term it surely can be difficult.

Take it easy.

Ken and Hannah said...

Your in our prayers Sarah! Take is easy and enjoy some time with your girls. : )

Kyle and Reesie said...

Oh Sarah, you are in our thoughts and prayers...we love you!

Craig and Sharelle said...

Sarah, we're thinking about you and praying for you also! Your attitude and perspective are admirable. Thanks for continuing to be such an example. I wish there was more we could do. Sure love you guys!

Trissy-T said...

My prayers are with you as well! Good luck, I wish the best for you.

Shannon Masayo said...

I am very confident in saying that even if your little man was born today, he would be healthy and ok.

But non the less, it is difficult and scary. let people help you. they told me, everyday your baby is in your tummy is a week they won't have to stay in the hospital, so one day at a time. relax, and gibe it to God. Don't be scared. just have faith everything is supposed to how it happens.

I will pray for you and your family:) It will all be ok!

Holly said...

I hope you are ok, I really appreciated your kind words when I was sick and in bed and I will be sending good thoughts about you and your family into the universe. Take Care,

Devyn said...

You will be in my prayers! I wish you the best.. take it easy and let me know if there is anything at all i can do.. I'd be MORE Than happy to help. Seriously. It is so humbling when you have to rely on others and be willing to ask for help. You are a strong person and I know that you will make it through this okay. Thanks for your testimony! All my love!!

Lisa said...

We will pray for you. Let me know if I can help you in any way, really. Take care! You are strong!

Anonymous said...

I hope everything turns out right! You and your family are in our prayers!

Kaylee said...

Sometimes we go through things like this so that others have the chance to serve. So you have to let us!! He-hem! You are in our prayers and so is your little man. We love you guys.

Tyler and Erin said...

Hey I ran across your blog through facebook and just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. It is scary when things go unplanned This all reminds me of myself, I hate having to rely on others and so I think I had pregnancy problems so the Lord could humble me. I went inoto labor at 31 weeks and had to do the betamethasone too. I was dilated to a 1 at the time. It scared me to death. Luckily they got the labor to stop and I made it to 37 weeks. I am so glad to hear you are doing better and pray it continues to go well for ya. Can't wait to see pics of the little guy.

Comic Pregnancy said...

What a beautiful blog!
Love and smiles
Comic Pregnancy