I felt sad because of my own short comings. Then angry because of others' actions toward me. Then sorrow because of loneliness. And on, and on, and on, until I felt hopeless. Hopeless that I will never reach my goals, that I will never be happy, that I have failed; in a gamut of aspects. That things will never change, that people, including myself, will never change. I know, what would my life be like without drama? I'll admit it, I'm a drama queen.
The best thing to do in a time like this is to pray, so I did. This scripture came to my mind: "If ye have no hope ye must needs be in despair; and despair cometh because of iniquity." -Moroni 10:22 That scripture is so profound to me! When we are feeling sorry for ourselves because of trials and afflictions, instead of wallowing in the depths of despair, we should actually humble ourselves even more and repent. We know we are truly humbled when we "arouse the faculties of [our] souls; shake [ourselves] that [we] may awake from the slumber of death; and loose [ourselves] from the pains of hell..." -Jacob 3:11
And this scripture was so powerful to me as well. If a prophet feels this way, how much more should I humble myself?
Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have
Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart
exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine
I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to
My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
....He hath filled me with his love even unto the consuming of my flesh....Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.
...O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?
...Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin.
...Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul...Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.
Rejoice, O my heart and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!
O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.
...I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh."