Friday, January 28, 2011

Grumpy Pants

I feel like so much has happened this week, yet I sit down to write and I'm drawing a blank.

I don't want to sit here and write about the chronological details. What I want to write about is what is on my heart. A few weeks ago I felt as though I was enduring the daunting, monotonous tasks that plagued me day in and day out. I was irritable. People annoyed me. I'd lose my temper at the drop of a hat. Sometimes I felt helpless and hopeless. The things that usually brought me joy held no pleasure. I sometimes would wonder why I felt that way! I knew I was very blessed! I mean, I have a wonderful husband and very good children, no one has been sick this winter, I have secure employment and health insurance, we have no pressing financial general I have it pretty good! We're poor students...but that shouldn't mean anything because there are plenty of happy poor people all over the world! I was running 4 times a week, which helped temporarily, but I STILL felt I was battling a cloud looming over my head.

But I'm happy to say I have had a change this week, and it's a good change. Suddenly, I am in a better mood all the time. The normal challenges of life haven't gotten under my skin. I haven't been losing my temper, I haven't felt depressed, and in general, I have felt very happy most of the time every day! Last night at work, I actually talked with my patients and their families and enjoyed it, instead of doing my job and booking it out of there before making eye contact. I saw people around me and actually cared about their well being! (A little too revealing...?) Here are the factors that I think may be contributing:

1) I've made a conscious effort to change my attitude.
2) The sun came out a few times (does wonders, doesn't it?)
3) I've been reading my scriptures (even if it's just a few verses) and praying every day

The truth is, the latter of the 3 is what has truly made the difference. I am not trying to boast, brag, preach, or demean. I'm simply stating the facts. The fact is, a week ago I was miserable, and this week my heart is so full I could burst! There has been no real change in my routine, no change in circumstance, no significant outward environmental transformation. The change I suppose has been through the grace of a loving Father in heaven on the inside. Don't misunderstand, I'm not perfect or anywhere close to being so...I'm just happier. Don't hold your breath though, it's only been a week! ;)

"But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

"Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me." -Alma 32: 27-28

"The Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless-whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day. " -Mosiah 23:21-22

"The trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." -James 1:3-4

Now feel free to leave me words of encouragement to KEEP THIS UP. Because sometimes that's the hard part.


Chaleese said...

Ahhh Sarah, oh how I love you. LOVE YOU. I think you are the most amazing person EVER. Truly, you're such a special women, and I look up to you more than you will ever know.

Tecia said...

Well, I can relate to the person you were last week. I am constantly feeling overwhelm with life and irrate by people.. Mostly my beautiful girls and amazing hubby (mainly because I see them the most, because I work from home..) back to my point.. :) ..I could go on and on.. But mainly just wanted to say thanks for sharing your heart. My bible is next to my nightstand and I so need to stop pouting and do what I know works as you said.. It is all about being closer with God, it truly makes a Big differnce.

Cindy/Mom/Gramma said...

Good Job Sarah. Don't be too hard on your self. We all struggle to do what we should. It's always amazing to me how much Heavenly Father wants to bless us if we will just let him.