I don't want to sit here and write about the chronological details. What I want to write about is what is on my heart. A few weeks ago I felt as though I was enduring the daunting, monotonous tasks that plagued me day in and day out. I was irritable. People annoyed me. I'd lose my temper at the drop of a hat. Sometimes I felt helpless and hopeless. The things that usually brought me joy held no pleasure. I sometimes would wonder why I felt that way! I knew I was very blessed! I mean, I have a wonderful husband and very good children, no one has been sick this winter, I have secure employment and health insurance, we have no pressing financial burdens...in general I have it pretty good! We're poor students...but that shouldn't mean anything because there are plenty of happy poor people all over the world! I was running 4 times a week, which helped temporarily, but I STILL felt I was battling a cloud looming over my head.
But I'm happy to say I have had a change this week, and it's a good change. Suddenly, I am in a better mood all the time. The normal challenges of life haven't gotten under my skin. I haven't been losing my temper, I haven't felt depressed, and in general, I have felt very happy most of the time every day! Last night at work, I actually talked with my patients and their families and enjoyed it, instead of doing my job and booking it out of there before making eye contact. I saw people around me and actually cared about their well being! (A little too revealing...?) Here are the factors that I think may be contributing:
1) I've made a conscious effort to change my attitude.
2) The sun came out a few times (does wonders, doesn't it?)
3) I've been reading my scriptures (even if it's just a few verses) and praying every day
The truth is, the latter of the 3 is what has truly made the difference. I am not trying to boast, brag, preach, or demean. I'm simply stating the facts. The fact is, a week ago I was miserable, and this week my heart is so full I could burst! There has been no real change in my routine, no change in circumstance, no significant outward environmental transformation. The change I suppose has been through the grace of a loving Father in heaven on the inside. Don't misunderstand, I'm not perfect or anywhere close to being so...I'm just happier. Don't hold your breath though, it's only been a week! ;)
"But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.
"Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me." -Alma 32: 27-28
"The Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless-whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day. " -Mosiah 23:21-22
"The trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." -James 1:3-4
Now feel free to leave me words of encouragement to KEEP THIS UP. Because sometimes that's the hard part.